Dude! What part of leave me alone in Soul Sister's e-mail to you do you not understand?
From November 2002 until last month, you have broken every promise you made to your wife. You'd neglect things around the house for months. However, as soon as your mistress (I'll call her Mindy) called wanting something done, you'd dash over there so fast you'd leave skid marks! Then you started using money (that should have been used to pay the household bills) and partied with Mindy and her friends feasting on Pizza Hut pizza and other take-out cuisine while your wife and step-daughter were home living on peanut butter sandwiches. You stopped paying the utility bills, so the phone and electricity were shut off. Of course, this didn't bother you ... you were staying with Mindy in her home. Meanwhile, your wife and step-daughter were driven from their home. You made it clear that you wanted them to leave. That violated her rights as your wife, but what did you care?
She eventually found a place of her own for her and her daughter. She kept trying to work things out with you, but you still chose to associate with that marriage-breaking adultress. It seemed like you came around only when you wanted something. Then, if your wife didn't give it to you, you'd turn on her and cut her down. You don't do this to someone you're supposed to love.
As she spent time away from you, she decided to go on with her life. Oh no! As soon as you found out other men were interested in meeting and becoming friends with her, you accused her of the very thing you were blatently guilty of. I can personally attest that she had been faithful to you, and your double standards don't hold water. Your accusations were uncalled for.
You even tried to make up crises as an attempt to get her attention and her sympathy. When you got in trouble with the law, she was the one who bailed you out. No one else. Just her. Did you know that paying your bail bonds left her in financial hardship? Did you ever pay her back the money she loaned you? You pushed her a little too far. The one night might have had a legitimate crisis, she decided to leave you to suffer in a mess of your own creation. Yes, I can imagine just how cold a trailer can get when it's only 24 degrees outside at night. Whose fault was it that the electricity didn't get paid?
Soul Sister realized that in order to get away from your manipulations, she needed to put some serious distance between you and her. Even her daughter was ready to leave! So, they packed up their stuff and made preparations to move. You did help her move; I will give you that. However, it got your attention, didn't it? Made it much harder for you to keep stringing her along, didn't it? Of course, that didn't stop you from trying.
Things were extremely unpleasant for her for a few months. You used that to try to convince her to move back to your town. You almost succeeded. However, between me and her friends in chat, she came to her senses.
Then she found her own place. Oh, how convenient for you! You just lost your trailer and needed a place to stay. All of a sudden, you want to move here, bring the kids and resume your marriage and family! You could have succeeded; you had her bamboozled into thinking you changed. When you left, she was loopy-headed thinking she was finally going to get her family back. However, you kept making promises you wouldn't keep. For someone who claimed to love his wife, you sure didn't show it.
You promised to fix her car, you came without the parts, you promised to come back the next weekend with the parts to do the labor, and you didn't show up. Not so much as a phone call. It was two weeks before you got a hold of her, and it was only to tell her you were in jail. Was Soul Sister too hard to find? No. You couldn't have someone else call on your behalf? No. She was counting on that promise to have her car fixed because the rental car's rates were eating her alive financially. She frantically sent you e-mails, literally begging you to hurry up and get here to fix the car like you promised. Nope, you were no where to be found. She was about to lose everything because she took you at your word, still trying to give you the benefit of the doubt even though you didn't deserve it.
You promised you'd be here with her last month. The date you promised came and went with no sign of you in sight. No phone call, no e-mail, no text messages ... nothing! It was the straw that broke the camel's back. She finally realized that she could not trust you, and the marriage was irretrievably broken.
She sends you an e-mail that plainly and clearly said, "I'm filing for divorce. Do not e-mail me, do not call me, do not come around me." Talk about opening the floodgates of communications!!! All of a sudden, you're flooding her emailbox with e-mails and ringing her phone off the hook "wanting to talk." It's too late to talk. You had your chance. You had lots of chances, and you blew them all.
What it looks like to Soul Sister and me is that you want to come around just often enough to keep her "hooked" on you because she still has feelings for you. You've been using her as your "safety net" for when you mess up so you have someplace to go or someone to bail you out if you get into trouble. The longer she is away from your influence, the stronger she gets, and the more clear-headed she gets about what she wants and how to go about getting them. Then you come around saying you love her, and it gets her all confused, just to keep stringing her along. Guess what? She cut the strings! That's why you've been going overboard with the e-mails and phone calls; you're trying to reestablish that "connection." She's onto your scheme, and she's not falling for it again.
You even had the audacity to come to her home at 2:30 Saturday morning to find out, "what's going on?" You got your answer. It was bad enough you rehashed your tired old lines to get her to take you back. However, you sunk low ... you brought up the kids and used them as leverage. When you saw it wasn't working, you brought up your mother and her poor health. When you saw that wasn't working either, you sunk lower than a skunked snake: you threated to perform a drastic act if she didn't take you back. That was the scummiest, lowest act of emotional blackmail you could have done. She and I came to the same conclusion: how dare you!
And to top it all off, you drove here in Mindy's van! I don't get it: she has stolen checks from your checking account (by your own admission) and bounced them. Instead of prosecuting her, you pay for the bounced checks and the fees. You gave her cash to pay for your probation fees and she kept the money instead and got you put in jail. Why are you still associating with her??? You claim to love your wife, but you keep going back to Mindy even after Soul Sister stated that renouncing all association with Mindy would be a requirement of reconciliation with her. And you want to know why we don't believe anything you say anymore? All you proved that morning was that you hadn't changed and you're still blaming everyone else but the real cause of the breakup: YOU.
Now, I'm going to clarify a couple of things:
First, I do not hate you. I just hate the way you've treated my friend the last 19 months. I do not trust you, especially after you made a threat concerning my job (by the way, my supervisor was advised of this threat). Ever since I met you, I have been supportive of the relationship you had with Soul Sister. I even defended your relationship against her parents and her brother. When I came to visit, I NEVER came empty handed. I helped out with groceries or gasoline expenses. I was not a mooch nor freeloader. I think I proved my friendship and support. I am not your enemy. I am merely expressing my feelings, based on my observations. I'm not out to trash you; I'd be using your real name if I was.
Second, Soul Sister and I care very much for your mother. We think the world of her. We know she's not in good health. However, it is too emotionally painful for Soul Sister to contact your mother at this time. Stop using your mother to make Soul Sister reconsider her decision to file for divorce. The emotional blackmail is uncalled for. You prevented Soul Sister from contacting your mother for a long time, claiming that your sister did not want your wife to call. Now, all of a sudden, your sister is allowing your wife to call and your mother is available for phone calls?
Your constant e-mails promising the world and your incessant phone calls have got to stop. It's time to face reality. You lost her. She told you more than once, "don't call, don't e-mail, don't visit." It means "leave me alone." If you continue to bombard her with e-mails and phone calls, you're leaving yourself wide open to be charged with stalking and harassment. Is that what you want? Considering your current circumstances right now, it would be in your best interest to back off and leave her alone as she has requested.
If you really truly love Soul Sister, let her go. It's over. Let her go.
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